Up Late: Thinking Hard

I don't share real, substantial emotions much. It feels strange, but appropriate for today.
I don’t share real, substantial emotions much. It feels strange, but appropriate for today.

I have been crabby lately. Like nuclear-grade crabby pretty much across the board. I know there are a few reasons for this, but it is still not fun. Especially since it has been pulling me away from stuff I really love to do. Namely, blogging and crafting. But I have decided I am not going to let this funk get me down, and the first step is talking a little bit about it.

If you read my 30 by 30 list, you may have seen an item near the end of the list about making a new friend. I have to preface this by saying I have a bunch of really awesome friends. But when I consider my awesome friends, I also find myself thinking about a few friends who have been really terrible the last few times I was with them. Everyone has personality flaws and off days, but that is a far cry from some incidents that have happened. It’s just incredibly saddening to have people who know you so well be incredibly cruel, and right to you. Like I said, I’ve been thinking about it for the last few weeks and come to some conclusions. First, being friends with someone for over a decade starting in early high school allows a lot of time for a true adult personality to develop. That may include some not so attractive attributes. Which comes to the second lesson I learned. Sometimes relationships end, and it’s not anyone’s fault. Distances bridged by superficial means just break down too easily. So the last lesson? I need to get over it and look on the bright side.

I have some really super awesome friends that I have real, solid things in common with, not just a shared past. I have wonderful friends from high school who I can talk to and trust. I have amazingly talented friends from college whose adventures I can follow through Facebook. In the same amount of time some friendships have grown and crumbled, I have been lucky enough to meet some amazing, supportive, smart, inspiring and wonderful people. And they all have something to offer. And I have something to offer to. All too often, we let our really, really important friends go by the wayside or we forget to tell them how important they have been. So this is my plan: share my gratitude. I was saving this for March, but judging from my piss-poor mood, an early start is a good thing.

This will actually be a good project since it also kills something else on my 30 by 30 list: write letters to those who have been inspiring or helpful to me. It will be a lot of work, but I think it will help lift my mood. Sometimes when you get into a funk, you need to focus on something a little more outside of yourself. I am hoping this and a hug from a good friend do the trick.


  1. This was really well written and I can completely relate to what you are saying. I have found with each move, and the older I get I don’t really remember how to go about making friends. I had a really, really horrible experience at my last base and I pretty much shut myself off from all new people for about a year. Finally I have let some really good humans into my life again. It is hard. I guess for me, I have been able to learn what the red flags are, and avoid the very negative people, and the people who choose drama in their lives. I always want to help everyone, so it took me a long to time realize some people deep down, like living in misery–it is just the only place they know.

    1. Carly, I am so glad you get it. I was trying not to be a super downer, but this has been pretty seriously bugging me the last few weeks. Glad to know someone else gets where I am coming from. On a happy note, you are on my awesome friends list! And I have a bag of fabric scraps I have been squirreling away for the last few months that I plan on sending to you. Because that will make us both happy. 🙂

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